Grief is one of the most common universal experiences, yet it is so rarely talked about. 

We are never really taught how to grieve, and it is not something we proactively practice. However, it is something that all of us will experience repeatedly throughout our entire lived experience.

When we think of the word grief, or hear that someone is grieving, it is often expressed as feelings of deep sorrow over loss. In his book Die Wise, Stephen Jenkinson states that, “Grief is not a feeling it is a capacity. It is not something that disables you, we are not on the receiving end of grief we are on the practicing end of grief.”

What we don’t often acknowledge is that every life stage that we have the blessing to go through gives us opportunities to practice grieving. In each stage, an old version of ourselves is released. This can include the loss of certain hopes, dreams, and wishes we had for ourselves. Relationships will pass, roles will change, and we will experience things for the last time. Physically, cognitively, and psychosocially we change too. When we connect to nature and the world around us, we can see it is the same, continuous birth, life, death and rebirth as mirrored by the changing of the seasons.

If you are grieving or supporting someone who is grieving, it is important to remember that grief is non-linear and different for everyone. It is experienced at different levels of intensity and duration based on the relationship to who or what one is grieving. 

Generally one may go through all of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five well-known stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, there are many more stages and emotions that one can experience, sometimes all at one. The grief and pain will never disappear, what changes is how we engage with it. The most important thing is to be kind and gentle with yourself, be patient, and trust that this too shall pass.

One of the best ways to support yourself or another grieving is to try to stay as present as possible with whatever feelings are being experienced moment to moment. It is important to acknowledge, feel through and release the emotions in whatever way works best, such as moving your body or creating art. Surround yourself with the love and support of family and friends as much as possible. Reach out to a grief counselor or psychotherapist who can support you to move through the loss or change. Breathe deeply and meditate. If you need to watch a movie or read some fiction to distract yourself, that’s okay too. If you are feeling numb, stuck, or that perhaps unconsciously emotions are being suppressed because it is too painful, this is where microdosing psilocybin could be a helpful tool. Psilocybin can help us access our emotions by bringing them to the surface. With the intention to grieve and move towards the acceptance phase, it can help expedite the healing process with its ability to help us feel our feelings.

What happens is that one day without warning, you will feel that there has been a shift within you. When you reach the acceptance phase, suddenly it is not as painful. You start to feel gratitude and can truly honor the losses and changes. You realize that no matter how long you were able to have that person or experience in your life, that it is something to appreciate, and be grateful for knowing that it is forever woven into the tapestry of who you are.

We’d like to share two activities that you can do to practice your capacity to grieve: 

1. Memento Mori – This is an ancient practice of reflecting on one’s mortality, it means remembering death. It goes back to Socrates and is part of many Stoic practices. Similar practices can be found in many other religions and cultures. The point of this exercise is that through contemplating one’s mortality, one can find meaning and purpose, gain clarity of one’s priorities, and realize that our time and life on this planet is a gift. See below for a 5 minute video explaining this practice.
2. Descansos – This is an idea taken from Clarissa Pinkola Estés book, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype. Descansos stands for resting places and are symbols that mark a death – such as a white cross with flowers or two sticks tied across with twine most notably seen along roadways. As an exercise to practice our capacity to grieve, she states that, “to make descansos means taking a look at your life and marking where the small deaths, las muertes chiquitas, and the big deaths, las muertes grandotas, have taken place.” You can start by taking a long piece of paper and drawing out a lifeline starting from infancy to the present moment. Take your time going through it pausing to reflect on when you experienced a loss or change – a road not taken, a death, a path that was cut off, a place that still needs to be grieved, places that need to be remembered and blessed. Mark each spot with a cross. Allow yourself time to give space to any emotions that rise to the surface. Honor each cross and how it all has led you to where you are right now. When you are done, if you feel called to, you can light a fire and burn your descansos, as a way for you to lay it all to rest.

As always, we are here to support you on your journey.

If you or someone you know is grieving and looking for support or resources, please feel free to reach out to us at [email protected] to connect directly with our team. 

We’re here for you. 

All our love,

Team Sero