Highschool Daze

My five best friends and I were really excited to do mushrooms altogether.  As teenagers at the time, our ideal opportunity was when one of our parents were gone and the house was ours.  I was the only person who had done them before and was our trip leader – confidently stowing away any potential obstacles, making sure everybody was feeling good, explaining what to expect, etc.  Confident me was external me, but I knew myself to be very shy and often retreated into myself.  

Like every young person, I struggled with my external and internal life and rarely did (I let) people see the internal me – not even my best best best friends.  I was a bit worried that I would be weird during the trip and tried to keep that out of my thoughts.  But every time I take mushrooms I inevitably cry and tell everyone I want to go home and then find somewhere cozy to hide.  Like a weird little kid.  This time it was in a bath tub.  And I was ‘stuck’ there.  Somehow I did not believe I could physically leave that bath tub.  So I was there most of the night, enjoying the distorted visuals in the stainless steel reflections and mirror by myself with my weirdness.  

Then one of my friends found me and sat with me in the tub.  I remember being shocked – how did they find me and also how were they moving in and around the bath tub.  But we sat.  I then shared my theory about how we all work to make money to buy soap so we don’t smell bad.  And that the point of life was not to smell bad.  My friend agreed.  And then at some point I suddenly didn’t feel weird.  And I suddenly didn’t want to go home anymore.  Because I felt like I was already home both with myself and with my friends. 

I guess it was one of the first times I let myself be vulnerable.  We’re still best friends today.  And I still cry and say I want to go home but I always stay and we laugh about it after.

– Shy Kitty